Have to Let it Go
by Death Skater
Summary: Mylene, Zelos' mother, thinks back on her son, and the times they spent together when he was born, to the time Mylene could not be there.


**Authoress Notes - **LOL yes I know I should be updating my other fanfics, but I had to write this. I wrote a similar idea with Tales of the Abyss... So yeah. Sorry if someone used this idea once though.

**Disclaimer -** I don't own Tales of Symphonia.

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Zelos, my pitiful son... I'm sorry to have done this to you. I'm so sorry... please, forgive me. The words I said that day... if only you had understood them correctly... I did not intend to paint your life with the sin of my death. I did not intend to leave the image you had of me poor and hateful... I loved you, my son. Though after your father's death, I could not look at you. You... you looked distrubingly like your father... that disgusting man.

We did not intend to be married.

The Church decided our marrige, and you were born.

I remember before your father, the previous Chosen, died... we were so happy, you and I. Together, we would venture out into the garden. You would pick flowers and make me a ring of dandelions, and tell them only I was more beautiful then the flowers. I would smile, and tell you thank you.

Those days... those memories... I miss them. Even after your father died... I longed for the days we would go out and pick flowers. I missed the times you would tell me the silly stories you heard as you passed the maids and butlers, and I would laugh at how you complained how the church was so boring and amused you very little.

I wished I could set you free. I knew... you must have been chained to the Church and their doings, the Chosen System... everything. I had been chained as well. I did not want you to face my fate.

Please... my son, Zelos, please, find happiness...

If only... if only you hadn't been born... if only you hadn't been born Zelos Wilder, the son of the Chosen.

You wouldn't have been stuck to this life.

You would be free like the birds flying in the sky, free to do what you wanted.

Is it my fault for giving birth to you?

Oh... oh, Zelos... I'm so sorry...

If I could, I would've done everything in my power to free you. I would've given my life to bring you happiness, because you are my son. You are my blood, you are the only light left in the dark world I've been abandoned in... I longed to hold you, tell you that you are my precious son and that I loved you with all my being... I could not though. I slowly began destroying that light, pushing it away... why?

Because that light... it reminded me of your father.

Marrige to your father left me chained here. Though, as I knew him more, I knew, though he did not love me, he thought well of me. I knew he cared for me...

Then he met that half-elf woman and left me, along with your newborn son, to rot away.

I took it upon myself to provide the warmth of both parents that you needed, with your good for nothing father gone. You reminded me of your father, and it bothered me, but I did not let that bother me. I knew it wasn't your fault, and you did not intend to appear like your father.

You were different from your father though.

The warmth you provided me back... it was true. You truly loved me as your mother.

Thank you, Zelos, for giving me a little bit of happiness.

I only regret not providing the same warmth until the very end of my life. I always told you to leave me alone once your father died. I continued to push you away for reasons I could not comprehend myself. I only knew I did not wish to see what looked like my late husband's face... I had never wanted to see his face once he left me though. Why did I suddenly do everything in my power to keep any image of my husband away...?

Did I miss him now that he was forever gone? Had I grown angerier that he threw away his life? I didn't know the answer.

I only knew it led me to push my child away.

I had to free him... I had to.

I had to find a way to let him out of his hell hole.

I knew though... if I let him go, he'll wander into the real world, he would wander away from me. I would be alone... I couldn't let him go. I selfishly kept him close to me, spouting mean words at him and telling him to leave me in peace.

Why? Why did I hurt him?

Why did I not say yes to his loving invites to the garden, where we would play and laugh again?

I wished to go outside with Zelos again, and have fun.

The day he came to ask me to go outside and see the snow with him... I swallowed my fear, and turned to him with a smile, and accepted. His expression was bright and excited, and he was ecstatic. He abruptly ran out the room to gather his winter clothes. I too, stood from my chair, and gathered proper clothing to enter the white world which was once my lovely hometown of Meltokio.

I watched him run into the snow, and begin to make a snowman. I longed to help him, though I did not wear the proper gloves to touch the ice cold snow. I simply watched with a warm smile as my son proceeded to gather up snow and pile it into a snow man.

He finished, turning to me, calling me mother and telling me he was done.

Mother... me, mother... thank you for calling me that, Zelos.

I heard an unusual rustling in the bushes. I turned to see a familiar eye and realized the person there was his other wife... Seles' mother. I saw her raise a hand and mana gather around her palm, creating magic... her objective... it had been Zelos.

It had the perfect time to let Zelos die, let him be free... but I could not.

I jumped and embraced him, shielding him from the attack that would've stolen his life. I felt that searing light burn onto my back, and the immense pain that followed it. I fell on top of my son, who climbed out from under me, telling me I was bloody. I saw his tears and heard his cries of help. I listened as people came, apprehending Seles' mother as she shouted that Seles deserved to be the Chosen.

Zelos... you... you should not have been born.

The pitiful life Martel cursed you with... I wish you were not born, so you did not have to be in this pain...

Will you be free after this...? With my death, will you become free?

I planned to tell him he should not have been born, that he should have been born someone else so he could be free...

I spoke to him... but my heart stopped beating after I told him he should not have been born...

Oh... oh Zelos, oh my lovely and precious son, please forgive me. You may curse me if you wish. You may hate me, kick my grave, for I was the one who turned you into this lost spirit, without motivation in life... I'm so sorry Zelos... I'm so sorry. Please... if you choose to hate me... please, just remember that I love you... that I love you, so please...

Oh Zelos, I'm so sorry...

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**Authoress Notes -** Bahahaha! Done!


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